LeBron James today announced that he will be retiring from the NBA after a historic 23-season run and pursuing what he calls his “lifelong dream.”

“I’m going to take my talents to the North Country and join the Plattsburgh Cardinals,” James said. “Ever since I could dribble a basketball, I’ve dreamed of playing college basketball for Plattsburgh State and bringing a SUNYAC title back to Cardinal Country.”

The 21-time All-Star leaves a Los Angeles Lakers team that is currently sitting at third place in the Western Conference with a 46-25 record, putting them in serious title contention. However, James said he can’t stand playing with his son, Bronny James.

“Bronny’s such a b****,” James said. “He might be the son of a king, but his bum ass ain’t no prince, I can tell you that.”

Plattsburgh will welcome LeBron to Cardinal Country on April 2, which Plattsburgh City Mayor Wendell Hughes declared will now be called “LeBron Day.”

“I’ve been a Bronsexual ever since ‘Space Jam’ two,” Hughes said. 

The Cardinals are now considered one of the hottest contenders in Division III basketball, according to D3hoops.com. However, Plattsburgh head coach Mike Blaine said he still sees an uphill battle against the Cortland Red Dragons. 

“He’s no Reem, but he’ll do,” Blaine said, referring to All American senior Reem Welch, who has used up his eligibility and declared his intent to join the Los Angeles Lakers. 

Blaine emphasized that he will not let LeBron’s social influence impact his coaching style and that LeBron will not run things around here. 

“I’m still the king of Cardinal Country,” Blaine said. 

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. All names, events, quotes, and “facts” presented are entirely fabricated and intended solely for comedic and entertainment purposes. This piece should not be interpreted as factual reporting or taken seriously. April fools!