The city of Plattsburgh lowered its drinking age to 17 on St. Patrick’s Day, leading to an economic boost that was quickly undercut by the amount of damage caused by drunken revelers. 

The city commission’s decision to lower the drinking age for one day was called into question by legal scholars, but Mayor Wendell Hughes said Plattsburgh was on legal footing that was “as firm as a Michigan hotdog.” 

“State law allows parents to give alcohol to their children at home,” Hughes said. “So for one day, we said Plattsburgh would be home to everyone, and I’d be their daddy.” 

“In any case,” Hughes added, “sometimes it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission, especially when it means millions of dollars in revenues for the smallest city in the state.”

City watering holes may not have fully capitalized on the booze binge, however. 

Hobie’s Sports Den sold out of all alcohol by 5:05 p.m. 1UP Arcade was out by 5:10 p.m. At the city’s infamous “triangle of death” intersection, the shelves of Lake City Beverage were cleared by 6 p.m.

“They were like moths to a flame,” the owner said. “I can only assume this is how a Spaniard feels during the Running of the Bulls.”

An estimated 100,000 alcohol-imbibing visitors traveled to Plattsburgh from around America, bringing an estimated $10 million boost to bars, restaurants, and hotels. However, drunken rioters also caused an estimated $10 million in damages to city parks and infrastructure.

The rush of underage drinkers to Plattsburgh siphoned many tourists away from Montreal, which went bankrupt the day after.

Montreal has struggled economically ever since Champy, the once-mythical Lake Champlain monster who came out of hiding last month, migrated up the St. Lawrence River and started tipping boats in the commercial waterway, instituting an effective water embargo on Canada’s second-largest city. One photo of Champy appeared to show the monster with a MAGA tattoo, which has not been independently confirmed by APN. 

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. All names, events, quotes, and “facts” presented are entirely fabricated and intended solely for comedic and entertainment purposes. This piece should not be interpreted as factual reporting or taken seriously. April fools!